This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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