I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
