i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
