it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
