i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
