Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We were destined to go to rehab together
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
