i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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