What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
