Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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