Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
