Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
