I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
