He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
