Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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