Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
