hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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