Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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