i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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