Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
