I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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