if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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