Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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