your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
