I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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