Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
