Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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