no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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