Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
