Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
