It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
