dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
