so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
