I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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