he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
