he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
