There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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