You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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