I think I am morally bankrupt
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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