we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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