I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
