Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
