My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
