I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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