either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
