Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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