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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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• (530): View more from California

  Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

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• (386): View more from Florida

  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (949): View more from California

  I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I think I might cry.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.

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• (716): View more from New York

  But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.

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