i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.