What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet