in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.