oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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