Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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