i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
