U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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