Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
