Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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