He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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