i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
