It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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