a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
