you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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