i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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