drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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