Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
