I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want nice things and good sex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
