I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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