Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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