it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
