he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
