those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
