i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
