we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Vodka?
Forever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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