How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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